Long wait finally over - for Mama

Stasik finally in Mama's arms today, Feb. 15, 2012, at 1:00 p.m. Ukraine time. It has been a long 2 days in the UA and we have just returned to the apartment in Kiev. Having trouble uploading pictures from the iPad. Will try more tomorrow and also try to get some on Facebook. Need to go now and try to Skype with Dad. Check back for more later. I have lots to tell.

And the world is quiet ...

One thing I was not prepared for is the silence of our apartment in Kiev. I have never been some place so quiet. The city itself is a bustling mass of people and cars during the evening. In fact, so many cars on the street that it is difficult to cross a street. Better to use the underground maze that is a shopping center, although, last night on our way home from dinner, we did get lost in the maze and had to double back to our original location and try again from street level. Once back in the apartment we heard our neighbors for awhile but then a deafening silence enveloped us. No one moves on the streets, no dogs bark, no pedicabs ring bells, no water running or heating noise ...just silence.

I'm writing this at 4:15 a.m. It is hard to wrap my mind around the idea that it is evening at home. I know it is only 8 hours difference but it seems so strange to feel like I've lived one day more than my family at home. Our day today is a bit uncertain. Debbie is anxious to get Stasik but I think our driver has other plans. As best we can understand, we have a lot of driving to do and a lot of government offices to visit in Preluki (sp?) and the capital of the province. It is going to be a day of driving, it seems. Kiev, Preluki and the capital make a triangle and it is 250 Km (about 155 miles) between each place. It seems that electronic scanning and e-mailing documents is a foreign concept here! We are just hoping to get to see Stasik today with actual possession of him taking place on Wednesday. If it happens differently, it will be a wonderful surprise but Debbie is trying to not get hopes up so she will not to be disappointed. A good attitude but a very hard one to maintain when she is this close to getting her baby.

Our link to the outside world via the Internet is about to stop. Unlike Jared and Debbie's first trip, Debbie and I did not come with a laptop. We only have iPads (who knew they could land one in trouble?) which can only connect wirelessly. Preluki is only accessible with a modem...no wireless connection. This city girl, from one of the most connected cities in the world, forgets that wireless is not ubiquitous. So alas, we will be cut off for two days until we return to Kiev. We should have Stasik firmily in the grasp of his new mama by my next post!

I want my iPad!!!!!

Well, we are finally in Kiev. It was quite an experience. When we took off on our long cross-Atlantic flight, we were sitting near a young boy, about 5 years old who was screaming before, during and after take off. At first, we felt sorry for him, assuming he was scared or that his ears were popping but finally we realized what he was saying in his anguished screams. It was simply "I WANT MY IPAD". He screamed that over and over again until mercifully the seat belt sign was turned off and we were all instructed that we could turn on electric devices. All was well again until ... you guessed it... landing approached and all electronic devices had to be turned off. He was at it again. Oh well, I kind of know how he feels as the first thing I did was find a wi-fi so I could get on mine. But before I could do that, we had to get Debbie through customs. She actually had 2 iPads and apparently that is frowned upon. She was almost detained for 30 minutes or more and given a citation to appear in court. I had to leave the customs area while they interrogated her. I was becoming quite nervous and about to try to get back inside to her when she appeared, unflustered with both iPads and all other belongings.

So, we are fully and completely in country with all of our belongings. We have made a pit stop at the local McDonald's while we wait for our driver to pick up some documents. Trying to order at a McDonald's in Kiev is quite interesting. I managed to get a Diet Coke (I've got to figure out how to ask for ice) and fries (they were within view for me to point at. We will be in Kiev tonight and will be picked up at 6 a.m to start our adveture of getting paperwork.

Looks like we will "go dark" tomorrow as we will be spending the night in Priluki. Will post more when we can.

Testing the Waters

Hello everyone reading this blog.  My name is Tina Shands.  I have been given the honor of traveling with Debbie to the Ukraine to pick up her precious Stasik.  It is preparation day for me. Debbie and I will be leaving Houston Sunday around noon.  While on our journey, I will take over the writing duties of this blog, therefore I am testing the waters and making sure my post comes through.

I assure you that I will not be as witting and clever in my writing as Jared is.  Did you read his post about the TP?  I assure you it made quite an impact on this sensitive soul.  I'm packing plenty.  I'll let you all know when we get there and how the journey progresses.

The wait is almost over!

It has been 5 days since we got off of a plane back here in Texas. It seems like an eternity. Every day I think about what Stasik is doing. Has he digressed and gone back to the child we saw the first day or is he full of life like he was when we left? They say that children go through a mourning stage when people they spend time with disappear. I hope he knows that we are coming back for him and that we will be there soon. I hope that the orphanage is taking care of him. I hope that he is warm at night. I hope he is getting enough to eat. These are thoughts that pop into my head every day.
People that have not adopted may not understand what our family is going through right now. For those that have kids, imagine leaving your newborns at the hospital and just coming back to get them in 12 days. That is how we feel! We have no way to check on him daily and not knowing is the worst. We have a hard time sleeping and getting through the day because we worry so much about him. We feel about Stasik like we did Carter the day he was born. I was not sure how I would feel when I finally met him and held him, but it is no different. You feel the same love, the same commitment, and the same joy as you do when you give birth to a child.
Right now I wonder what his birth parents are feeling. They have been contacted and told that Stasik will be adopted. I am assuming that they have not filed to reclaim parental rights. I am happy, but also very sad. I am sad because of the decisions his birth parents are making and have already made; the choice to offer their child a better life or to just make theirs easier. Only they know their reasons and I hope they are at peace with their decision now either way. I am happy because now Stasik will know what it means to be loved and cherished like every child should. We did not give birth to him, but he is our son; he is Carter's brother, a grandson, a cousin, a nephew, and a family member to everyone that is going through this with us. He will be blessed just as we are blessed; he will be lifted up just as we have been.
We thank God everyday for the support we have received; kind words of encouragement and prayers. We have friends and family that have taken time out of their lives to take care of Carter and place our minds at ease. Others have helped raise or donated money to ease the financial burden. One of our best friends will get on a flight to the Ukraine with Debbie so she does not have to handle everything alone and I can stay home and take care of things here. Oh we are blessed beyond measure to have the friends and family we have. These same people, this village we live in, will be the ones that help raise Stasik just as they have raised Carter. They will love him as we do and that time is coming soon....the wait is almost over!

There are no Coincidences!!

As young children we develop an idea of what we want to be when we grow up. For some, the vision and drive they have propels them to realize their childhood dreams. For others, certain life events or changes in interests lead them in another direction. Regardless of what happens, I believe it is all part of a bigger plan that God has for us. I know that not everyone believes what I do and many choose to believe that they make their own luck and their own success, but I trust that God has our lives mapped out long before we are born. Sometimes this can be frustrating because as human beings we can be selfish and well…just want what we want. It is hard for some people, including myself sometimes, to understand that occasionally when things do not work out the way we want; it is for a good reason. Tragedy, sickness, death…it is all hard to understand why this would be part of a bigger plan, but I have learned that in all instances, good or bad, something positive results from it if we have faith.
I say all of that to say this….This journey we are on can sometimes be very frustrating. Many parts of the process have not gone as planned. We have wanted everything to go smoothly, but sometimes God has other plans. From the realization that we could no longer have kids of our own to the original thought of adoption, it has never been our plan, it has been God’s plan and every part of it has just worked out. We were able to be in the Ukraine in one of the coldest winters on record. Days before we left to come back home, we were informed that many flights had been delayed or cancelled due to wintry conditions; severe weather…. even for the Ulkraine. Now in Texas, if it snows, everything shuts down. Schools close and Texas roads resemble a hilarious rendition of the Ice Capades , “The Comedy of Errors “ version. My thoughts were that in the Ukraine they are used to this weather and on our day to leave, everything would go as planned. Well I was wrong! I checked flight status up to the point we left the hotel…flight status…on time. About an hour before flight time we realized that we better go get a Snickers, cause we were not going anywhere for awhile. Our original flight was pushed back several times and it was obvious to us that we would not make our connection from Frankfurt back to the states. We spent several hours in line with customer service, changing flights and coming up with a new plan. We finally settled on a later flight that would get us home early the next morning, but would allow us to spend the weekend with our son Carter. By this time was just flat out wondering where the heck we were and if we were ever coming back home. After finally boarding our new plane we sat for an hour waiting for the wings to be de-iced and by the time we were in the air I realized that we might now still miss our new connecting flight. There were many people on that plane in our situation, but I thought that if we could just not lose any more time that there would be a chance.
I spent a lot of time on that plane thinking about a lot of things. One concern was whether our son at home would be mad at us at all. The other thoughts were of Stasik. We hated having to go back home, but with the extended time the process was taking, we did not have a choice. This child that we had loved from the start was now back in the orphanage without our daily visits or playtime; without our hugs and affectionate for 11 days. This is the definition of irony wrapped in a conundrum. It seemed that staying and leaving both carried a burden of guilt and there really is no way to feel good about either situation. On this flight I considered the multitude of health issues that we were going to contend with when Stasik came home with us and also the discussions that Debbie and I had about how to resolve them. The not knowing is the toughest part. Should we admit him to the hospital as soon as we land or should we wait to look for symptoms? If we do take him to the hospital…where? We knew that Texas Children’s Hospital was our best option for diagnosing the needs of a child with Down ’s syndrome, but the wait to get in there could be months. We were still not sure what G.I. or heart issues we were dealing with because the Russian to English medical translation left so much room for interpretation. I had prayed for days that we would find the correct answer, but at that time I just wanted to make my connection, get home to see my son, and then start making these tough decisions.
When our plane landed we realized that we had 20 minutes to make the connection. The Frankfurt airport is not really big, but it was still gonna take some effort and luck to make the next plane. First hurdle….Instead of going out through the jet bridge to unload we were all going to be put on a bus and taxied to the terminal. That took five minutes! Second hurdle..passport control. This was only slightly relevant due to short lines. Third hurdle…extra airport security station. Take everything out of your pockets, place your bags on the conveyer belt, walk this way, put it all back in your pockets… three minutes! We can still make it! Plane leaves at 5:00, we arrive at gate with one minute to spare only to see the plane move away from the gate and start its slow crawl to its runway. It was at that time that I became very upset with the situation. We worked so hard to catch this flight and missed it because they left early! That flight was the last one leaving back to the U.S. and we found ourselves stuck in Frankfurt overnight. We really wanted to get home and now we would be away for one more day. Needless to say, we were very disappointed.
The next day we woke up and went to the airport to catch our plane back to Texas. We boarded and took our seats at the back of the plane. The seats filled up around us and as we prepared for takeoff, this man to our left started talking with us. He asked us how we were doing and where we were coming from. We told him we were coming from the Ukraine and filled him in about our last three weeks. He told us that he had a cousin with Turner’s syndrome, which is also a condition caused by a chromosomal abnormality. He asked about Stasik’s health and if he had any heart issues. We explained that he had had a surgery and that the incision marks were in Stasik’s back and not his chest. He started explaining that some surgeries done on infants for congenital heart issues are done this way and is common in European countries. We asked him if he was a doctor and he said that he was actually a cardiac surgeon from Houston. Coincidentally, he also said that his office was right across the street from the Texas Children’s Hospital and two of the best pediatric surgeons in the nation work with him in his office. After continued conversation he also added that if we needed to get our new son admitted that we only needed to call him and he would get him in the next day. Prayers answered!

There are no coincidences!!

Hurry Up and Wait!!

For those of you following our blog I know that many of you want to know what has happened over the last couple of days. First, I would like to say that our court hearing was successful and that we are officially Stasik's parents. We thank God for the work he is doing both for us and all the families going through the same process in the Ukraine. We have not been able to write in the blog because we have spent the last 41 hours in either an airport, an airplane, or an airport hotel. Between weather or just horrible service at the Ukraine airport we found ourselves missing connection flights or just waiting for a plane to take off. Finally, though, we are able to settle down and write an update about our journey. We are exhausted, having had very little sleep, but just wanted to give some quick information as to what has been happening.
According to Ukrainian law there is a 10 wait for us to take Stasik home. This is due process and presents a window of opportunity for biological parents or other family members to file to recover rights of their child. It has been a long process and the 10 day wait is very difficult for us. During this process we have asked about the parents and were told that they have not wanted or attempted any contact with him. We have worked very hard to quickly get where we are and it is tough for us to know that history has shown that the odds of his parents coming back to get him are very close to 0%. To know that during this time he has to continue to sit in the orphanage just makes us sad. We love Stasik and just want to get him home.

More later..