GroundHog Day!

Like many of the other days here in the Ukraine, this one started out the same. Debbie and I still have bouts of insomnia, but have learned we are probably not alone in this country. We found a plethora of sleeping aids that the Ukrainian pharmacies keep behind the counter. Now in the United States that usually means they are strong drugs, but here it could just be so you do not steal them. They seem to help some, but the verdict is still out. It would probably take some sort of horse tranquilizer to completely knock us out, anyway.
Much like Phil Connors reliving his days over and over again in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania, Priluky is very much the same. Every day we wake up and eat breakfast, take showers, and get dressed and ready to leave the hotel. In the last couple of days we have discovered a new breakfast place, but other than that it does not change much. After walking out of the hotel at 1:00 p.m., we get into the same taxi with the same driver. We take the same road to the orphanage where Stasik lives. At 3:00 we leave and go back to the hotel, put our stuff in the hotel room and go to eat. After we eat we go to the same stores and markets; some days we actually find something to buy. After an hour of shopping (and usually freezing), we go back to the hotel and call it a night; it gets dark here around 4:30. When we get settled, we check on things back home and write on our blog. I think every day is like Groundhog Day in Priluky. Having a routine is a way of life here, especially for us. We see a lot of the same faces at the same time of the day. We have gotten to know store owners and found our routine makes our day a little more comfortable. We are probably the only Americans here and we always get long stares whenever we walk into a restaurant or store. When we try to order something in a new place, there is normally some local in line behind us frustrated, adding to our feeling of uneasiness. So a routine is a good thing for us and I think everyone else here in this small town.
The best three hours of our day are the two hours we spend with Stasik and the hour afterward when we go to eat lunch. The time in the orphanage is typically the only time that we feel totally at ease. This is our time to be ourselves and be laid back. Even though the orphanage has rules, the activities we have with Stasik change daily based on him. Some days he wants to be all over the place and some days he just wants to lie around. Whatever he wants to do, we just go along with it. We wish we could stay there all day! We found this pizza place, I know very American, right?, that we love to go to every day. We can get a good size pizza and two drinks for under $6.00. This is a great thing when you are trying to stay on a tight budget. We have become very chatty with the owners and I believe they enjoy us coming in every day. They help me with my Russian and I feel very comfortable talking to them, even when they laugh at me and my Texas drawl. When we return to the hotel after shopping is when our day just seems to drag on. A person could go crazy here in this little town in the winter. There is very little to do and walking around in the cold aimlessly is out of the question. Just to run an errand requires an onslaught of full winter accouterments and 5 minutes for dress and undress. Today was -20° C (that’s -4° F for everyone doing math at home), so indoors is sounding good to me. The problem is T.V. stations are limited to Russian dramas and American Pop videos. Needless to say we have been bouncing off the walls. We want to get home and we want to get Stasik home with us. Until then we will see you again tomorrow on Groundhog Day.

Words can not express.....

We were very anxious to get to the orphanage today. Yesterday was such a good day we were just chomping at the bit to get back. When we arrived, we walked in on lunch so we were asked to leave the room. I guess we were a distraction to the kids while they were eating. They were running late today so we had to wait awhile to get Stasik. We were a little disappointed due to our limited time, but it was worth the wait! He was so happy to see us and he had the same clothes we left him in yesterday. The weather was much warmer today so he did not have all the under layers he usually has. We both think that maybe he has put on a little weight.
Every day we bring diapers for them to use and they are supposed to be for Stasik. When we packed for this trip we were not sure how big our clothes or diapers needed to be. As it turns out, everything is too big. Yesterday, we donated the bigger diapers to the orphanage, but I do not think they understood what we were doing. Stasik can probably wear stage 2 diapers and today they had him swallowed up in these stage 4’s we donated for the bigger kids. He looked so uncomfortable and we had to change him out immediately. The workers want so much to do what we ask and accommodate us. I am sure that they were wondering why we wanted Stasik in these huge diapers as much as we were wondering why they put him in them. The language barrier will do that I guess, but they mean well. We got it straightened out this afternoon and all had a laugh.
Stasik was mobile all day today. He kept wanting to stay on the move; very different from yesterday. He wanted to play and move back and forth from one of us to the other. At one point he was on his stomach on the couch and climbed up to get in my lap. He then stood up, using my chest for balance, to get his face even with mine. This was quite an accomplishment and it is obvious that he is starting to get some of his strength back. He is very determined and hard to hold when he wants to go somewhere else. We both think this is a great thing. Our son Carter had great gross motor skills early and his fine motor skills took a while to catch up. Stasik is just the opposite right now. His fine motor skills are phenomenal, but he has shown deficiencies in gross motor skills. This has to be attributed to his lack of size and I will bet when we get him home that will all change. I know he wants to stand on his own, crawl, and walk. He will push himself up to stand with help and he just keeps getting in the crawling position and rocking back and forth; t is just a matter of time. I think he is limited by his previous sickness and current diet…….oh, and also the previous absence of two gung-ho parents that will motivate him every day. We received permission from the orphanage doctor today to give him 2 ounces of Similac. We were uncertain if he had ever had a bottle or if he could even keep it down. He did great with both. We are trying to add some calories for him every day even if it is not many. Because of his G.I. issues, he will probably have to stay on milk and rice until we can determine what all else is wrong.
Today went by so quickly. People are in and out of our playroom now during our visits. We wonder if we are being observed. The doctor will come in twice to check on him and talk to us. Debbie thinks they are watching us. I think they feel obligated to come in because we make so many suggestions, they probably feel like they have to show us they care about him too. Either way, it is not uncomfortable and I think it is important for them to see how much we already love him. The last thirty minutes he sat in Debbie’s lap and just talked to us. Obviously these words were not easily understandable, but like I said a couple of days ago, my Russian is not real good! He made different and prolonged sounds today. He looked at us back and forth and you could just tell he was trying to communicate with us. He had our full attention. Even though we could not understand much of it, his eyes told us what he was trying to say.

Спящая красавица-Sleeping Beauty

Today we had our best day yet! When we arrived at the orphanage, the nannies already had Stasik ready to go. He was dressed in his same light blue jacket he normally wears. As usual, it was over two other layers of clothes. Little did he know that we bought him a brand new outfit last night. When they carried him to us he was very anxious and reached out for us. It made us feel so good that he seemed to look forward to this part of his day as much as we did. We asked the nanny if we could change his clothes and after we were given the ok we headed upstairs to our playroom where we go every day.

Now blue is the signature color for the Wingfield men, but even I know you can’t wear the same thing every day. Last night Mama bought him a green suit that has bears on the top and a hat with ears. It is a 3-6 month outfit and we hoped it would fit him. It was a perfect fit, but only with the other two layers on. After our quick change we pulled out all of the toys like we normally do. For the first time since we arrived he seemed content from the beginning of our visit. There was no apprehension and he seemed to understand what was going on and that these short periods were all we had, but were only temporary.

Today he did not have the reflux he has had the last 5 days. It was obvious to us that the doctor had followed our request to limit the big particles of food he has been eating. We are very appreciative to her for that and believe that he will be able to digest the smaller bites easier. He only spit up a couple of times the entire afternoon.

Today he just seemed to want to be held and be in our laps. Usually we play on the ground and do some physical therapy exercises, but today he just wanted us to hold him. We had no problem with that and took every opportunity to accommodate him. He seemed a lot more tired today and we wonder if our visits have somehow affected his sleep schedule. Or maybe he is just like us and can’t sleep waiting for the next visit. The time just seemed to fly by and after about an hour and a half, he just fell asleep in our arms. He was completely at peace and it was the most beautiful thing for us to see. It was as normal as it could be in our situation and it just killed us to have to take him back to his group. We wanted to stay with him all day.

Unfortunately, we had to take him back and upon arriving downstairs, he woke up. The nannies took him and he held on to Debbie’s jacket until his outstretched arms just could not anymore. For the first time ever he raised his little arm and waved good bye to his new Mama. The nannies looked at one another as if they were in disbelief. Maybe it was the first time he had ever shown that kind of emotion, or maybe they just could not believe the bond that had been developed in such a short time. Regardless of the reason, we were so happy…..and so sad at the same time. We wanted to ask for more time, but knew it was just not a possibility. We both kissed him goodbye and he never took his eyes off of us. They placed him in a walker to play with the rest of the group. The walker was turned away from us, but he turned his head all the way around to make sure we were still there. His positioning looked so uncomfortable, but it was obvious he did not care. The nanny tried to get his attention, but he was steadfast. Finally, she turned the walker around and he just stared at us with those beautiful bluish gray eyes. I told him, “z’avtra”, “tomorrow” and he smiled as if to let me know he understood. We backed out of the room, took one last glance and then, very hesitantly, walked away.

Insomnia!

There are many people that have told us to use this time to relax and focus on the adoption. We need to rest because when we get home we will have to deal with a new addition to the family, time change, going back to work, etc. Well I do not know how you do that. I know that God's handprints are all over this, but I can not quit thinking about everything going on in our lives right now. Debbie and I both sit awake at night with so many things going through our minds. We think about home, our other son, our jobs, and Stasik. What is Carter doing? Is there any bill we forgot to pay? Are our classes going ok back at school? Is Stasik cold tonight? What else do we need to plan for him? What words do I learn tonight so I can tell the orphanage doctor what we need tomorrow? It goes on and on. We know that Carter is taken care of and we know that we work with great people that support us 100% in this journey, but we still can't help but worry about it. We both laid down at 3:00 this morning and here I am wide awake at 7:00 a.m., having had only a slight nap. I am already thinking about what we need to do today.

Right now I am listening to what sounds like a party in our hallway and that just adds to it. Our hotel is alive with sounds at all times of the day and night. We would change residence, but pickings are slim and we are very conveniently located. Our room is a cross between the Louvre and a cheap Vegas hotel. We have a naked replica of Aphrodite that stands between our room entrance and the main living quarters. Debbie has found a function for the Hellenistic piece of antiquity and uses it to hang her hat and scarf when we come in everyday. For several nights I believed I was being observed as a I lay with my eyes open. Even if I pull the hat down over her eyes I still get the sense that I am being watched. We have a nude picture that hangs above our bed. It could very well be the picture sketched by Jack Dawson in the movie Titanic. Rose Dewitt Bukater without the heart of the ocean necklace. There is a light that always shines through the window and as I lay awake at night I can easily see myself in the mirror adhered to the ceiling above our bed. The blue satin bedspread matches the blue tile in the vegas style, hot tub bathroom and I could swear that there is also a man that lives in the walls of the hotel and bangs on the pipes all night. Not bad for 50 bucks a night, but far from the ideal venue for a great night's sleep. Early this morning every patron staying on our floor slammed their hotel room doors and it sounded like a 21 gun salute as they locked up and went out to start their day. Note to self: next trip pack the earplugs and the sleeping mask.

More to come later today!

Come Health or High Water!!

Today we had to take our first stance has Stasik's new parents. Although it is not official yet, we already see ourselves as his providers and responsible for his security. We are not sure how all of this is going to work out and we hope that we do not offend anyone that his currently charged to his care. In three days we have seen many areas of concern for him. He is regurgitating a lot of food and of the food we have seen, none of it has a lot of nutritional value. For a typically developing kid this food is barely sufficient. For a child with Down's Syndrome, it provides few of the needed nutrients for better physical and mental development. As parents that already have a child with Down's Syndrome, we know, and we have done the research. As we say in Texas, "this is not our first Rodeo!" Stasik suffers from very poor muscle tone, normal for DS children, but extreme for an 18 month old child. Surely, some of this is a result of recent surgeries, but mostly it is lack of the proper nutrition. Today we had to change his diaper and it was the first time we have pulled away his three layers of clothing. Our tears could not be held back. We knew he was very, very small, but the extent had been covered for days. His legs had loose skin and if I put my hand around his upper thigh, my index finger and thumb would touch easily. His arms were much smaller and his stomach was distended. Obviously, all of these are a result of many things, but someone has to understand that even though the law requires us to wait for the adoption to be complete, we are not going to sit idly by and watch it happen. So we made our feelings known about a few concerns today and we are praying that the powers that be may let us add to some of his diet. We will buy food for his whole group if we have too.
The good news out of all of this is that we are just in time for him. He has such an upside that it is impossible to think that he will not rise from the proverbial ashes like the mythical phoenix. Someone once said about this journey that we need to keep perspective, "What you see in your child now, is the worst it will ever be". These children are resilient when given the opportunity to thrive. With everything that I have written over the last four days, it is amazing to see the things that he can do. It is as if he already carries the Wingfield name. He is stubborn to a fault and will continue to push himself until he gets what he wants. For such a little guy he is very strong. He has a certain will that reminds us of our other son, Carter. I believe that Carter will be his mentor and biggest supporter. It is peculiar, the similarities I see with both of them. There is no quit; only the desire to prove that they can do what they want. Once we take him from his current circumstance, he will never look back, but if only for an instance.

“Suffering and joy teach us, if we allow them, how to make the leap of empathy, which transports us into the soul and heart of another person. In those transparent moments we know other people’s joys and sorrows, and we care about their concerns as if they were our own.”
~Fritz Williams

In four days we have seen Stasik transform into a totally different child. His pale color and sickly demeanor on day one has changed into a vibrant face and a bellowing laugh that finally arrived today. He laughed uncontrollably and he smiles more and more each time we see him. When we arrive he reaches for us and is sad to see us go. We are trying to establish a strong emotional base to let him know that we love him and that we are here for him. The process is still ongoing, but a huge part of me truly believes he would not have subsisted much longer, emotionally or physically, in his previous state. Knowing he is loved is the first part, now it is time to handle the other health concerns. We have everything and everyone in place at home, but we will just have to do what we can while we are here. We hope he knows that whether we are with him or away from him we are committed to him as any good parent would be. We will always be back for him, he is part of our life now, and always will be.

Hold the Onions please!!

We are starting to enjoy the slow pace in Priluki, Ukraine. After spending a few days in Kiev it is nice to go outside and meander without worrying about getting run over. Don't get me wrong, Kiev was very nice, but everyone was always in a hurry. It was a bit of human tailgating and it seemed that I was always in someones way. Out here in the country, us Texans can just mosey on out and enjoy the day. We have met dang near every store worker in town and we have enjoyed the snickers we get when we pull out our Russian for dummies book and try to talk to them. I like to think that they are laughing with us, not at us, but usually I am not laughing. Anyway, we always come back for more, mostly because I enjoy learning to talk to them and I am sure they enjoy the comedic antecdote.

We had another great day with Stasik! When we arrived at the orphanage today we went in and I think everyone knows who we are now. They immediately dress Stas up in 3 layers of clothes and bring him to us. I am never sure whether they bundle him up to keep him warm or to try to hide the fact that he is lacking in weight. They should know that it does not matter, because when we get him home he will be getting F-A-T! Our problem is just doing what we can to keep him healthy until that happens. That is why we bought him the cookies of which we do not speak. They are really just teething biscuits, but we won't tell him that because he loves them anyway. He did not look good today when we got him. We nailed it down to what we thought they were feeding him. Two days ago (when we first met him) he kept regurgitating food and today was more of the same. It always smelled like onions and for sure today that is what it was. We tried to clear them from his mouth everytime he spit them up, but he would just always re-swallow it. Now I am no specialists, but I can figure out that giving onion soup to a 18 month old that is 3 weeks removed from gastric surgery is probably not the best thing in the world. Yesterday they gave him potato soup and he was just fine. They say that the onions keep him healthy, but the irony is that everyday they give him onions, he looks sick. Fortunately, we were able to be with him and let him get rid of some of the "esophatoxin" they were giving him. He smiled much more today than he has the last two. We can only hope that it is because he knows he is loved. We are trying to do some things to help with the diet, but our hands may be tied until he is officially ours.

We are missing Carter so much right now!! We knew that leaving him would be hard, but it is so difficult to be away from him. We try to keep our attention on the big picture, but still very difficult. After court we will go home to see him and take care of some work related items, but then I am sure we will miss Stasik. Until he is home with us we will always worry about problems that may occur here. We pray that time will fly quickly and we can make it all happen soon. We pray that the SDA here in Kiev will make a quick decision and we can have court soon. Then we can see our sweet Carter and get our Stasik home sooner, because we worry for his health. One day at a time!!

What a Difference a Day Makes!!

For those of you following the blog, we have decided to name Braeden, Stanislav Klein Wingfield. His Ukrainian name is Stanislav and we wanted to keep his roots. His nickname is Stasik, which in the Ukraine is short for Stanislav. It is tough not referring to him as Braeden, but he already responds to his real name.

God is Good!! Today was a wonderful day. We both got some much needed sleep, albeit by accident. We have been in a daze and this morning I woke up with the worst headache so I took some tylenol. Debbie took some too and asked if I knew that I just took Tylenol PM. When I was buying items for our travel I guess I should have looked a little closer at the bottle. Needless to say after 4 of those suckers I was out. We both woke up at about 11:00 am. Of course the phone we were given by our facilitators is an hour fast so we thought that we had about 40 minutes to get up and get going. Luckily I looked at my other phone and realized we still had time. We arranged for a ride to and from the orphanage every day. We can visit Stasik from 1:00-300 and our Taxi picks us up every day at chass (1:00). Being late on our first day with the new driver would probably not have started a great 7-10 day relationship. Any way we made it out to the Taxi fully bathed and fed with all our new found time. Yesterday I talked about the people that were waiting out in the snow for rides. Today we drove through new snow which forced everyone to walk in the middle of the road. Our taxi driver was not too happy about that and we spent our 10 minute drive swirving in and out of pedestrians like we were on a cones driving course. The snow came up to the fenders on the car, but we muddled through it.

When we arrived at the orphanage the gate was shut and for a brief second I thought that we were going to be shut out for the weekend. I was thinking how horrible it would be for us not to see Stasik for two days. Yesterday was a tough day and we wanted today to be a better one. I got out of the car and luckily the gate was not locked. We went in and I tried to tell the the driver where to turn, but he did not understand my english or broken Russian. We wound up at a door that I was not familiar with and was not sure at this point we would get in. I could not talk to him and the workers at the orphanage did not know what to do with us either. Finally a familiar face....the doctor we spoke to yesterday...remember, the one that gave us all the bad news and carried around Stasik's medical history novel. Well she recognized us and pointed us in the right direction. We went to Stasik's group and waited for them to bring him to us. It is amazing the number of kids in the Ukraine that are in orphanages. We looked around the room and saw several kids just staring at us. We wanted so badly to hug them or pick them up, but we could only pick up our boy. The typically developing kids that make up most of Stasik's group can normally not be adopted by international parents until they are 5 years old. Which means that if Ukrainians do not adopt them, they sit in orphanages until they are of age for and someone from another country can adopt them. Very sad really. I know that some of the concern is the idea that some of these kids will lose their heritage or roots if they leave the country, but in the end I think it is just important for them to have a home. The positive about this group is that Stasik is in there with them and not in another group that has mostly children with more serious medical needs. For us this is a positive...the fact that he can hang with these kids and hold his own. As we sat and waited a woman came around the doorway with this beautiful kid. He had blue eyes and short brown hair. We looked at one another and were both thinking, "what a great looking kid". Just imagine our shock when she walked right up to us and put that kid right in Debbies arms. "Was this the same kid we had yeaterday?' We took a sacond look and realized that this was our Stasik. He looked completely different. Their was color in his face, the dark under his eyes was gone, and he just stared at us and smiled. Wow, what a difference a day makes!!!

We took him into the play room and emptied our bag of toys. We could not believe how much better a little love and attention could make him feel. He looked at us with loving eyes and began to smile more. We gave him a teething cookie and he ate it like it was Godiva chocolate. When we offered him some more, he had a smile that made his whole face wrinkle. I have never seen this before, but literally. his entire face crinkled up and it was the most awesome thing to see. The time flew by and before we realized it it was time to go. When the nannies came to get him, he just stared at us as they took him away. We did not want him to go and I do not think he did either. What an amazing day for our family. I know now that from here on out each day will only get better for him. What a difference a day makes!!!